Progress continues….

Live How You Like, Leave How You Like

I was originally introduced to End of Life Choices New York over 15 years ago when I moved in to New York City. We moved into the city for my husband’s job which we knew would be a two year gig. So we rented our house in NJ and moved into an apartment with our 7 and 9 year old boys prepared to make new friends and explore the city like real locals.

I remember meeting my first friend at the playground while I was watching my kids. She had a son the same age as one of mine and they lived in our building. How great! I told her about our planned adventure and you know what was the first thing she told me? “Don’t tell anyone you are only going to be here for two years.” She explained that people wouldn’t want to invest their time in me or my children if they knew we’d be leaving so soon, and if I wanted my kids to make friends, keep quiet about the temporary part of our journey.

Honestly, I didn’t give it much thought at the time, except to think, “OK, I won’t tell anyone.” But after a while, I felt like I was lying. And I had a big secret that I didn’t want to keep. And if people can’t make time and space for someone who was only moving across the bridge into Union county, NJ in a few years I didn’t want to be their friend anyway. So I shared my truth. There were definitely some people who were more hesitant with me. And others that thought it would be cool to have a friend in the ‘burbs so they could get out of the city in the summers and come visit us. The gift that sharing this information gave us was also being able to talk about leaving, and how sad we were to be moving away from the good friends we made (but also happy to be moving back to our old friends and home). Ultimately, I’m glad I was honest. I think it made me feel closer to others, and allowed them to be closer to me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, as so many of you have been calling asking us to support you through the process of medical aid in dying. We listen to your stories, hear the heartache in your voices as you share your truths of illness and impending death. We come to care deeply about each of you that we speak with, knowing that you will only be in our lives for short periods of time.

We know why we do what we do. The goal is often that you have a peaceful death, and we bring you closer to that moment many times. And that’s hard. But it’s also so important and profound. We truly feel honored that each of you that calls us trusts us with your story and your heart. And we carry you with us even after you are gone.

Thank you for allowing us to play a role in your story.

Sincerely,
Mandi Zucker, LSW, CT
Executive Director, End of Life Choices New York

Ask Us Anything

Q: Once the doctor orders the prescription for my aid-in-dying medications, can I take them any time I want?

A: There is a provision in the law that says that the pharmacy is not able to dispense the medication for five days once the prescription is sent to them. There is a waiver for people who may die within those five days but most people will need to wait for this time.

If you have a question you’d like answered, send it here!